Right on for the darkness

That which you run from becomes stronger.

Author

Chris Valdheims
July 15, 2023

Ever since childhood, I felt I had been in a war. But I also knew that I had never experienced that. Yet, the idea of being in war felt so familiar and natural.

I drew about it. I thought about it. I closed my eyes and felt like I could see it.

As an adult, I learned that part of me had been in a war.

The egg that would ultimately become me had witnessed some of World War II's most brutal fighting and devastating carnage as my mother and our family fled power-mad Soviets and Nazis.

I’m a big believer in the effects of intergenerational trauma.

That’s the idea that things that befell our ancestors affect our emotional lives and perspectives. It’s an idea that’s gotten more and more credibility over the last few years, and books like “It Didn’t Start with You” explain the ideas in detail.

But the point I am making is that I always felt the weight of some darkness, whether from what my family went through before my birth or what I experienced as a child.

It took me a while to understand what to do with that darkness. Growing up, I had nobody to show me, so I felt confused and overwhelmed.

Do I stuff it down?

Ignore it?

Focus on the positive only?

None of those.

The darkness calls upon us to engage with it and process it. And this is a hard thing that most people don’t want to do.

So their shadows wreak havoc on their lives. It happened to me for a while, but I learned to work with it over the years.

Carl Jung talks about the shadow being our repressed emotions: shame, fear, sadness, rage. When they’re repressed, they move silently in our unconscious, and that’s where they have control.

I’m no psychologist, but my experience has given me direct experience of this.

So that’s what this week’s podcast is about: getting in touch with darkness so that we can transmute it into something that serves.

Or at least doesn’t pull us back.

I enjoyed recording this one and felt like it’s been my most honest and transparent recording to date. Maybe I am just getting better at this, or perhaps this topic is very close to my heart.

I believe powerful creativity is released when we don’t run from our shadows but accept that they are part of us.

I’d love for you to reply to this if this at all speaks to you. 🖤🖤🖤

Here’s some wisdom from RuPaul about how to face the darkness - and not be drawn into it.

The title of this episode comes from a 1969 song by Willie Wright. It’s been a favorite of mine for a while, so I wanted to share it.

Also, for those of you who can dig early 1990s rave hardcore, 4 Hero’s epic “Journey from the Light” perfectly encapsulates the feelings I talk about here. It’s a darkside flip of Brainstorm’s 1970s “Journey to the Light.” 

Listen to this episode: “Right on for the darkness”

PS - I would love to get some ratings and reviews on the podcast platforms if you can. It really helps the podcast to spread. So if you think my actions would help more people, I would love that support. No pressure, though. 🖤

PPS - THANK YOU to everyone listening and sharing your thoughts with me. That’s the gold, and it keeps me going and inspires me to improve and offer more constantly.